Currently, I'm working on helping my partner work on creating a website that she can use as an online portfolio, which will hopefully assist her in landing an internship and a good job later on down the road. I've done a lot of dabbling with website development and such, but nothing as complicated as this. If I knew how crazy this was going to be before I started this endeavor, I probably would have told her to contract this shit out...but now I'm committed and I want to be able to at least try to make this happen.
I knew how to purchase a domain name and I knew how to sync that domain name to a free website provider (i.e. blogger, google sites, etc.). I know basic HTML - but am no way near proficient - but I've figured out a few things here and there (tag clouds, tab creation, theme development).
I did not know anything about FTP (file transfer protocol), web hosting, or that wordpress.com would make things infinitely more impossible to do this shit simply.
All I wanted to do was use this template to construct an online portfolio via wordpress.com.
Hopefully, I'll be able to figure this all out and feel a little bit like a mini-genius for figuring most of it out by myself. Let's just hope I know when enough is enough and when to ask for help :-/...
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Thoughts on monogamy...
Why is it that monogamy often gets a bad rap? There are so many stories and movies about people cheating on one another because they can't handle commitment. Some people criticize monogamous relationships for not being 'progressive' enough, because monogamy is an institution that was built upon oppression, power, and control. Now, I understand this particular critique - I used to feel that way myself (specifically regarding marriage). But what changed my mind on this topic had more to do with making a commitment, not just to a person, but to a certain type of life that I wanted to have. Getting married isn't just about having the same political rights as heterosexuals. It's more about entering an equal partnership with another person and making a formal, public statement to those close to you that you are going to work hard to make each other happy and do what is best for each other.
Think about it - we judge relationships all the time. Your best friend starts dating someone new. There's this awkward period where all the friends are assessing that new person - trying to determine if this person will be good to your friend. A relationship ends. What's the first thing that is usually said? "They weren't good for you." We care about relationships and we care about the people in them. Many of us have had relationships where we just can't get enough of that person. What makes this feeling last? What makes it end? There are a lot of reasons that can answer these questions...
Lately, a few things have happened that have got me thinking a lot about relationships and monogamy - specifically regarding queer relationships.
2. This movie piqued my interest because I like documentaries, and I like the Discovery Channel (minus the fact they gave Sarah Palin her own show), and I am curious about sex and it's appeal. Well, I should have known that this would be a disappointment. The entire film focused strictly on heterosexual couples and had a very strong evolutionary focus (clarification - I do believe in evolution!), but had nothing to say regarding queer couples or what attracts one woman to another, etc. Silly me for thinking it actually would. It was still interesting, and I may have learned something - mostly that heterosexually inclined women are more attracted to 'masculine' smelling men when they are ovulating, but are really turned off and even down right disgusted by the scent of a 'masculine' man. Men want to have sex with many women - and will even think an 'ugly' woman is doable if they can smell an ovulating vagina. Women are more picky when it comes to what attracts them to a man. Oh, and love and monogamy can be scientifically calculated through MRI's and such.
3. I haven't seen this movie - and I'm not sure if I ever will. But everyone who has seen it has said that it was really good (despite the femme mom cheats on her butch partner when she sleeps with the sperm donor for the couple's two children). Why can't their be a movie where two people (regardless of sexuality - but ESPECIALLY if it is a queer relationship!) doing what it takes to make it work for the long haul and not succumbing to lust or boredom? Don't get me wrong - I don't think everyone that enters a long term, committed relationship ends up with a happily ever after scenario. Lovers get sick, they die, they cheat on you, they end the relationship for other reasons. Not everyone really gets a happy ending. BUT - there are some relationships that last the test of time and actually work and the couple does have a happy ending...or happier.
4. My current relationship is the most stable, secure, honest, happy, (insert every positive adjective here) relationship I have ever been in. This isn't because my previous relationships were necessarily bad because of bad people or anything. Rather, I think that I am just a different person because of those relationships and have a better understanding of who I am and of what I'm looking for in a relationship. I am not interested in a non-monogamous relationship. I dabbled in that sort of thing briefly and it was probably one of the worst things I could have ever done - for me and my relationship. I don't like hurting or hurting people I care about, and everyone was hurt by this feeble attempt to be 'progressive'. Being non-monogamous can make you lose trust in your partner. It can make you feel insecure. It made me feel both of those things and at the end of the day, it made me question not just my relationship or my partner, but who I was as a person.
Could non-monogamy work for other people? Maybe...but I'm not convinced. I don't think people in non-monogamous relationships are truly happy. I don't think that people in monogamous relationships are necessarily truly happy either. A relationship is a good one when there is equality and mutual respect between the two (or more) people.
I think the real question is: Can you create equality and harmony in the relationships you enter into? What do you think?
Think about it - we judge relationships all the time. Your best friend starts dating someone new. There's this awkward period where all the friends are assessing that new person - trying to determine if this person will be good to your friend. A relationship ends. What's the first thing that is usually said? "They weren't good for you." We care about relationships and we care about the people in them. Many of us have had relationships where we just can't get enough of that person. What makes this feeling last? What makes it end? There are a lot of reasons that can answer these questions...
Lately, a few things have happened that have got me thinking a lot about relationships and monogamy - specifically regarding queer relationships.
- A conversation among queer friends at a birthday party
- Watching "The Science of Sex Appeal" on Netflix
- Struggling to actually want to watch "The Kids Are Alright"
- Talking a lot with my partner about our own relationship
2. This movie piqued my interest because I like documentaries, and I like the Discovery Channel (minus the fact they gave Sarah Palin her own show), and I am curious about sex and it's appeal. Well, I should have known that this would be a disappointment. The entire film focused strictly on heterosexual couples and had a very strong evolutionary focus (clarification - I do believe in evolution!), but had nothing to say regarding queer couples or what attracts one woman to another, etc. Silly me for thinking it actually would. It was still interesting, and I may have learned something - mostly that heterosexually inclined women are more attracted to 'masculine' smelling men when they are ovulating, but are really turned off and even down right disgusted by the scent of a 'masculine' man. Men want to have sex with many women - and will even think an 'ugly' woman is doable if they can smell an ovulating vagina. Women are more picky when it comes to what attracts them to a man. Oh, and love and monogamy can be scientifically calculated through MRI's and such.
3. I haven't seen this movie - and I'm not sure if I ever will. But everyone who has seen it has said that it was really good (despite the femme mom cheats on her butch partner when she sleeps with the sperm donor for the couple's two children). Why can't their be a movie where two people (regardless of sexuality - but ESPECIALLY if it is a queer relationship!) doing what it takes to make it work for the long haul and not succumbing to lust or boredom? Don't get me wrong - I don't think everyone that enters a long term, committed relationship ends up with a happily ever after scenario. Lovers get sick, they die, they cheat on you, they end the relationship for other reasons. Not everyone really gets a happy ending. BUT - there are some relationships that last the test of time and actually work and the couple does have a happy ending...or happier.
4. My current relationship is the most stable, secure, honest, happy, (insert every positive adjective here) relationship I have ever been in. This isn't because my previous relationships were necessarily bad because of bad people or anything. Rather, I think that I am just a different person because of those relationships and have a better understanding of who I am and of what I'm looking for in a relationship. I am not interested in a non-monogamous relationship. I dabbled in that sort of thing briefly and it was probably one of the worst things I could have ever done - for me and my relationship. I don't like hurting or hurting people I care about, and everyone was hurt by this feeble attempt to be 'progressive'. Being non-monogamous can make you lose trust in your partner. It can make you feel insecure. It made me feel both of those things and at the end of the day, it made me question not just my relationship or my partner, but who I was as a person.
Could non-monogamy work for other people? Maybe...but I'm not convinced. I don't think people in non-monogamous relationships are truly happy. I don't think that people in monogamous relationships are necessarily truly happy either. A relationship is a good one when there is equality and mutual respect between the two (or more) people.
I think the real question is: Can you create equality and harmony in the relationships you enter into? What do you think?
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Earthen Vessel
Last night, I was doing some last minute holiday shopping and on my way home I was flipping through the radio stations and happened upon MPR and heard a name I recognized - Ben Larson. I can't say that we were friends, but we were acquaintances and worked together a couple of times at some open mics when we both attended Luther College. Ben Larson was a radiant, good man - and you didn't have to be close to him to see/know this.
During the earthquake in Haiti last January, I was advising a service learning experience trip in Kampala, Uganda. I didn't even know about the earthquake until about a week and a half after the fact, as we were pretty isolated from all media as well as the internet. I first heard about the earthquake from one of my students who had managed to find a random newspaper in Kampala and he shared the information with us one evening. I learned of Ben's death after I arrived back to the U.S. at the end of January. I hadn't looked at facebook in almost month, let alone checked my email, so happening upon a facebook event for a memorial for Ben was really shocking.
It's been almost a year since this event, but it feels like it was just yesterday that it happened. As I was sitting in the car, driving home, I listened to Ben's cousin and his wife talk about their experience during the earthquake, and how they've been dealing with everything since the earthquake. The end of the interview included a song of Ben's called "Earthen Vessel". I parked the car and listened to every word and thought about Ben, how his life was cut short, his wife, his cousin. I got home and looked up the song and listened to it again. Even though I'm not religious and I don't believe in God, this song reached me in a very real way. I sat and cried as I listened to Ben singing,
"...Everything I love is a gift to me
Everything I know is a gift to me
All my family is a gift to me..."
There is truth in these words.
Happy Holidays...
During the earthquake in Haiti last January, I was advising a service learning experience trip in Kampala, Uganda. I didn't even know about the earthquake until about a week and a half after the fact, as we were pretty isolated from all media as well as the internet. I first heard about the earthquake from one of my students who had managed to find a random newspaper in Kampala and he shared the information with us one evening. I learned of Ben's death after I arrived back to the U.S. at the end of January. I hadn't looked at facebook in almost month, let alone checked my email, so happening upon a facebook event for a memorial for Ben was really shocking.
It's been almost a year since this event, but it feels like it was just yesterday that it happened. As I was sitting in the car, driving home, I listened to Ben's cousin and his wife talk about their experience during the earthquake, and how they've been dealing with everything since the earthquake. The end of the interview included a song of Ben's called "Earthen Vessel". I parked the car and listened to every word and thought about Ben, how his life was cut short, his wife, his cousin. I got home and looked up the song and listened to it again. Even though I'm not religious and I don't believe in God, this song reached me in a very real way. I sat and cried as I listened to Ben singing,
"...Everything I love is a gift to me
Everything I know is a gift to me
All my family is a gift to me..."
There is truth in these words.
Happy Holidays...
Saturday, March 29, 2008
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