ani is good for your soul.

so i went to an ani difranco concert in baltimore recently and while i was there,
i purchased another official bootleg cd. she makes these official bootlegs of live
shows she does all over the world and the one i got was from madison, wisconsin in
2004.

most of the bootlegs have very similar playlists, but every so often you'll find one
that has a new song or a song that is old but sounds different b/c it's live and
she's just by herself.

yesterday, i was walking to campus and then later to/from work listening to it.
it's a good cd! she's really talkative and friendly and happy sounding...even when
she's about to play a sad song.  it's just a good cd.

i digress...

she played rock paper scissors and i was floored. i was having a sort of shitty day
yesterday for various reasons, mostly due to the fact that this break up with the
lady has been more of a rollercoaster in terms of how i'm dealing and how i feel
about the situation in general. yesterday was a pissy day.

and then rock paper scissors came on. i listened carefully to the words (like a good
ani disciple) and found myself relating a LOT to the song and the song's message.
throughout this entire breakup process, i have turned to ani to find a way to grieve,
heal, process, move on, etc. i don't know what i'd do if i didn't have this music.

i think i would go insane. i don't have time for a therapist, and my friend's aren't
always going to be available for me to bitch/cry/talk things through with them. but
i have my music, and enough time by myself to listen and work things out.

below are the lyrics to the song. i tried to find a clip of the song to play on
project playlist (www.projectplaylist.com) (if you haven't heard of it, you should check it out, it's pretty
decent), but alas, there was none.  so, you'll just have to go online and buy your
own copy...which is totally worth the $10 btw (www.righteousbaberecords.com)

anyway, that's all.
the end.
love,
meghan.

Rock Paper Scissors : Ani DiFranco

it's rock paper scissors as to whether
i will get over you at all
it's hand against hand and both hands are mine
it's standing in a circular line
which is not to say that i am not also happy
a happy meal with a surprise inside
surprise surprise here's another bright light in your eyes
exposing all the stuff you're not calculating enough to hide

but this melancholy that i carry makes me feel so grown up
at my kitchen table doing shots of resignation
i never thought i'd see the day when i would say i give up
and break the stallions of my wildest expectations

but i do not want to know you this way
surrounded by so much pain
but how am i supposed to let go of you this way
like a bird into the sky of my brain?

i think i could accept all these dark colors
as just part of some bigger color scheme
if it wasn't for that drippy string quartet of sadness
underscoring each smiling scene
desire drags me right out of myself
a gas-soaked rope tied to a piece of coal
and i'm getting pretty good at looking at the bright side
while the flames rip along the sand and swallow me whole

but this melancholy that i carry makes me feel so grown up
at my kitchen table doing shots of resignation
i never thought i'd see the day when i would say i give up
and break the stallions of my wildest expectations

but i do not want to know you this way
surrounded by so much pain
but how am i supposed to let go of you this way
like a bird into the sky of my brain?